Country Crawl Classics

Country Crawl Classics was written by Reece Carter, Jarrett Crader, Anthony Fournier, Christian Kessler, Jason Kielbasa, Doug Kovacs, Matthew Schmeer, Wayne Snyder, and Noah Stevens. Illustrations are by Dan Domme, Anthony Fournier, Doug Kovacs, and Evey Lockhart. No publisher is listed, which is probably for the best.

"It's the ear 21XX and all you got is a whole buncha Misery. Canada's been nuked, there's a wall to the south, and the Midwest is a dirt farm. You and your inbred, good fer nuthin' kin have learned to subsist on Fundo! and mutant alligator meat, all the while suckin' down booze and eatin' whatever pills you can find. Elvis is everywhere, rhinestones are all the rage and every honky tonk across the blasted hellscape of the USA has a jukebox in the corner playin' another somebody-done-somebody-wrong-song. Saddle up yer electric horse (if ya got one, that is) and ride out into the future that is the past of 1970s America in all its horrible glory! Welcome to Country Crawl Classics!"

Herein you will find a 0-level funnel where Jimmy "Chickenhead" Van Dell, your honky tonk piano player with a mutant cur and a glass eye gets eaten by cannibals or space vampires....which is okay because he constantly smells like shit, he's addicted to space blow, and his cheat'n heart never quits.

You might stop to see LIVE! NUDE! CHUPACABRAS! and wrassle a barr while whiskey slush rains from the sky. It's all fun and games until the bar closes, or you end up at Flammable Hospital.

This is a seriously messed up product, although it is also seriously funny, and the Misery Die is actually quite brilliant. It's a bit like a less nihilistic version of Black Sun Deathcrawl or Null Singularity. Don't expect a campaign or a storyline that passes beyond your miserable end...although in this case it will be a hilariously miserable end.

I have no idea how you can obtain this item, unless you manage to track down one of the miscreants responsible for it at a convention and pass your Luck check.